( The pitch of her voice softens to his, a perfect match. ) It doesn't feel like it is. ( Selfish. She knows it's so selfish of her to feel that way. )
But you're right. ( She thinks? Maybe? It's hard to tell, a storm of conflict in her chest over how she should feel about this. )
I guess- ( Clary hums, soft, considering. ) I think it's safer at home for him, you know? ( Instead of here, in a war, in a dying world. )
But, I think if he has to be here, like the faction leaders clearly want him to be- Better to have a fresh start? Learning people in a... more positive way. ( Like Vergil, like Dante. )
Mostly that he's not sure how he feels about people possibly having expectations for him from when he was here before. ( Which is hard. Hard knowing that he thinks people will have expectations, hard knowing that she might (unknowingly) have her own of him. It's- Well, she imagines it isn't easy for anyone involved. )
I know. I understand. ( It was easier when she could spot him across a crowded street, take off at a run, and know that he'd catch her if she threw herself at him to see if he was paying attention. It was easier when she could call him and hear him say her name with familiarity and affection.
It was easier when he was the Nero that she went through so much with. The Nero that walked through a prison with her twice, the Nero that made her laugh until her sides hurt, the Nero that held her up when she thought she would shatter into a million pieces after going home.
She doesn't know how to do this. How to mourn someone that lives and breathes and no longer knows her at all.
Clary takes a breath. )
You get a whole new start with him, though. We both do. ( Her voice barely wavers. ) That has to count for something, right? ( It has to count for something, because otherwise it just hurts. )
[ He has so little of that with Nero. Even V's canon point is before some of the good stuff, but so much of what he did have was under the false pretense that V was no one at all. What is it going to be like now that V is his own person. Nero won't have any reason to doubt him, but will it just reek of lying. All over again. ]
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But you're right. ( She thinks? Maybe? It's hard to tell, a storm of conflict in her chest over how she should feel about this. )
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[ The prevailing opinion from the twins, no less, when he had tried to talk to them about it. ]
What do I convince myself now?
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But, I think if he has to be here, like the faction leaders clearly want him to be- Better to have a fresh start? Learning people in a... more positive way. ( Like Vergil, like Dante. )
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What did he say, when you spoke to him?
[ In the end, the one thing V knows is that it's really Nero's opinion that matters the most. His own feelings can be damned. ]
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He's still himself, though. If that helps.
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[ Already knew all the secrets... Forgave all the lies. ]
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It was easier when he was the Nero that she went through so much with. The Nero that walked through a prison with her twice, the Nero that made her laugh until her sides hurt, the Nero that held her up when she thought she would shatter into a million pieces after going home.
She doesn't know how to do this. How to mourn someone that lives and breathes and no longer knows her at all.
Clary takes a breath. )
You get a whole new start with him, though. We both do. ( Her voice barely wavers. ) That has to count for something, right? ( It has to count for something, because otherwise it just hurts. )
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I'm happy as long as he is.
[ Fresh start, with or without him. ]
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Still. ) Doesn't make the forgetting part any easier, though. ( But at least Nero's there, at least they both have a chance to know him again. )
I'm sorry I had to be the bearer of bad news. I just wanted to make sure you knew.
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[ He feels responsible now, that his own reaction made her feel that way. ]
Thank you, Clary.